My journey with ADHD
Hi! My name is Nic, I’m a 24 year old girl from the UK who was late-diagnosed with ADHD in 2022.
ADHD is the name given to a brain that hunts dopamine (I call mine Dave, thanks to tiktok). It stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I have combined ADHD, which means that my brain is both hyperactive and inattentive, meaning I can go from dancing around the kitchen talking non-stop to absolute 0 in a flash.
Looking back now, I find it interesting to see how much having ADHD has impacted me throughout my life - I was always an incredibly anxious child. I struggled to sleep because I would be worrying so much about the future, and at school I would always be trying to change my personality so that I would ‘fit in’ and make friends. I was always the day dreamer that talked too much, or the weird one who never seemed to say the right thing. As I got into my teenage years the RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) became too much to bear, I put too much pressure on passing exams to succeed and ended up diagnosed (or mis-diagnosed) with anxiety, depression and therapy to help understand an eating disorder that had developed.
Then one day, it changed. When I was around 20 I was sat talking with a friend who said she thought she had ADHD, so I asked why and when she reeled off the list of reasons, my response was; “everybody does that, it’s just normal” - and that was the start of my discovery journey with ADHD, because that wasn't what everybody did.
It makes a lot of sense now why I was so focused on “fitting in”, why I felt rejection so deeply and why I was constantly asking myself “why can’t I just...” or “I wish I could be different”. When you have spent years of your life being told that you aren’t good enough, or you’re too weird to fit in, then you start trying to change parts of yourself to please others, and to avoid the rejection that you feel so deeply. Unfortunately this meant that I spent all of my teenage years burnt out, exhausted, trying to change who I was instead of going out and enjoying myself!
The more I learnt about ADHD, the more I understood that the constant distractions and several thought patterns whizzing around at once were just my brain hunting dopamine! And as I continue into adulthood, I slowly discover ways I could work WITH my brain rather than against it! For example, blasting EDM music and having a random dance around the kitchen on my lunch break is EXCELLENT to break thought patterns or taking mental breaks from work to allow me to reset, or having an open wardrobe so that it doesn’t become a hiding place for unwanted clothes or items.
Having an ADHD brain isn’t a bad thing - it took me a while to wrap my head around it, but the way I see ADHD, it’s just a title given to a brain that works differently.
The more you work with it, rather than attempting to fit into social norms that don’t suit you, the easier it is! More frequently now I will tap into my creative side rather than suppress it, and slowly that mask is coming off.
I find that if you try to find a little joy in every day, the brain doesn’t take over quite so much. For me - it’s trees and sitting in a grass field watching the sun set.
My recommendation to anybody reading this who may also be struggling, is try to do the same. Find something that puts your soul at ease even if only for a minute and allow yourself to revel in it as often as you can.